Hi. I’m Jordan Cope, and I’m a
alcoholic serial-killer master-assassin procrastinator. It’s been a while since I’ve used, at least twenty minutes, and I feel like a new, mildly productive person. I also have an unhealthy addiction towards photoshopping Willem Dafoe’s face into photos of my friends, see here for the nightmares.
I live in the Stroud, a small town in the west-midlands, and am using the only computer that we are able to power using our primitive steam-focused technology, which many residents have misinterpreted as some sort of God. Standing 18-feet tall, crafted primarily of plywood and housing the power of up to 7 calculators, it’s certainly the most technologically advanced object in the Cotswolds. However, I’ll soon be moving to Cornwall to pursue my dream of harnessing the strange sorcery you call “electricity”, and attending a University with access to hot water on demand. Luxury.
I am of course being a cheeky-wee-flippant-laddy-sonny-boy-m’lad. We’re not technologically backward. Of course we have common conveniences. After a long day of tractor-driving and witch-hunting, the family loves to sit and watch the latest televisual wonders, like The Waltons or Happy Days. And I’m sure we’ll find out who shot JR any day now.
I’m fluent in both English and American, and can recite up to 73% of the alphabet. I also once performed 3 push-ups in a row, and barely cried for 20 minutes. Ladies, please form an orderly queue.
I use mouthwash, so that probably means I’m an alcoholic.
I’m not a chocoholic though. I don’t even know what chocohol is.